Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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