look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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