It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
