I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
