I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
