He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
