Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
