I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
