allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
