Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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