youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he puts the penis in happiness.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
