Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
