Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
