Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need water and some morals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
