youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
