I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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