Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
