I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
