i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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