I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
