I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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