I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
