Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
