moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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