Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
