sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
