Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
