Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
