He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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