am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
