Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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