Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
