fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
