yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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