He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
