I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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