it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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