Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
