you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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