You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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