Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
