Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
