i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
