It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
