dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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