No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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