Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude. I can hear the air.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
