Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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