Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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