got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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