fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
