WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
