you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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