Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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