What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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