how can u be prego again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
