I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
