I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
