I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
