Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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