Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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