can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I supernannyed him into submission
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
