apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
