Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
