6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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