I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
