You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
