you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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