where am i from again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
