Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize