In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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