We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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