God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
