piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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