apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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