What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
