Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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