Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
