I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
