Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
