Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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