my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
