You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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